Communications skills are essential to transforming conflict. Reframing is the ability to distill charged, perhaps negative and loaded statements and see the essential needs of the speaker. For example:
“I hate her…she doesn’t respect me.”
As a listener, you might reframe that exclamation as:
“You have a need to be respected by her. What does respect look like if she were to give you the respect you need?”
Simple and basic stuff but I often find it challenging to get past the raw emotion to the core need. Yet when I do use reframing, I almost always immediately find the core need. In this case the need to be heard, to have ones voice matter in a conversation or dialogue.
Getting to needs and then helping each other meet those needs is essential to peace. Disregarding the needs of others is the surest way to start the little and big wars that plague our world today. Stay with me here as I make the leap of logic . . . true Human Security might just start with listening for the needs of others!